The month of love has just ended but that doesn’t mean that romance isn’t on our minds! In fact, for one special lady, romance is her profession! Katia Loisel has built herself a reputation as being what some would call, The Love Doctor. Founder of The Love Destination, she speaks breathes lives romance. From body language expert to relationship advice, this lady knows it all! This week, she took some time in between her sessions to answer some of our questions when it comes to love! #thelovedoctor
BWR: What was the inspiration behind the founding of The Love Destination?
Katia: The Love Destination grew from a single insight: that love is at the heart of everything. After working with nearly 10,000 singles and couples as a relationship and body language expert for the last 15 years, one thing became clear. It doesn’t matter who you are…we all want to love and be loved. My background in relationships provided invaluable insight into how we connect and the impact that love (or lack of it) has on our lives and behavior.
At Love Destination we’re passionate about love and leveraging the power of streaming media to help solve a global human problem: loneliness. Our mission is to help alleviate loneliness and inspire and empower women to have more fulfilling relationships with themselves and others.
BWR: Would you say that you base your advice on relationships and love on your own personal experience?
Katia: I’m a believer in research and using an evidence-based approach. However, my past has most definitely shaped who I am. So, I think it’s inevitable and often beneficial to draw from personal experiences.
BWR: A lot of women are choosing their career over relationships and embracing singlehood. What are your thoughts on that?
Katia: I believe that there’s no such thing as the ideal relationship. Love comes in many forms and it truly is about finding what makes you happy. However, it’s important to be truly honest about what it is that you want.
There’s nothing wrong with making the choice to focus on your career. However, if it comes from a place of avoidance or fear then it might be time to look at the underlying issues at play. After all, research shows that what makes us truly happy isn’t success or money, but rather the quality of our relationships with our friends, family and partners.
BWR: Where do you stand on online dating?
Katia: While there are pros and cons to online dating, I do believe that it can be a great way to expand your dating reach and meet new people. Online dating has opened up endless possibilities and opportunities for meeting and connecting. A lot of singles set themselves up for failure and rejection when they’re dating online. They’re not honest with themselves about who they really are and what they want. They invest emotionally or often physically in people who are unlikely to return their interest rather than focusing their energy and attention on people who are more like them and will be more compatible.
When it comes to online dating, go in with an open mind, be realistic and avoid being too quick to write other people off. Last but not least cyber chemistry doesn’t always translate when you meet in person, so to avoid disappointment talk on the phone before meeting. After all, there’s nothing like face-to-face interaction and shared interests for boosting your interpersonal skills, building a connection and letting the real you shine through.
BWR: What would you say is the biggest challenge that people face in relationships?
Katia: We’ve become a society addicted to instant gratification. But love doesn’t work like that. In the early stages of dating, many people mistake lust and attraction for love. They jump into relationships based on what feels like instant chemistry, basing their choice on superficial qualities and attraction rather than building a relationship based on true connection.
During the early stages of love, we see our partner with rose colored glasses and often incorrectly assume that they are just like us. Holding on to the ‘fantasy’ of who we think they are or more accurately, who we’d like them to be. Fast forward a few months or years and these assumptions and false expectations can breed resentment and disappointment.
The glue that holds a relationship together doesn’t look but sharing similar values, goals, and interests, open communication, honesty, kindness, and understanding. Great relationships take work and are built through constant investment and commitment to your partner and the relationship.
BWR: What are your three best relationship tips?
1. Put your relationship first
With the pressure of work, family and other commitments and distractions, your relationship can sometimes take the back seat. One of the differences between love and lust is security and it’s that feeling of security that we can often take for granted. Face-to-face time is replaced by connecting online, date nights with re-runs, words of adoration and appreciation with criticism or indifference until you’re more like flatmates than lovers. Leaving your relationship to take care of itself can lead to feelings of resentment. One of the simplest yet highly valued acts of romance is acknowledgment.
2. Mind your language
The language we use can have a profound impact on the quality of our relationships. The use of negative language can create a gulf between couples where neither feels acknowledged, respected or understood. This negative pattern of behavior also creates disconnection and mistrust. Patterns of negative or abusive behavior followed by intermittent reinforcement play on your insecurities. Winning back their approval or that initial rush can become an addiction.
3. Don’t bottle up
You might think that couples who never argue have a healthier relationship, but in fact, it’s false. A couple’s lack of arguments can be a result of apathy or not having enough faith in the relationship. A healthy relationship thrives on communication, honesty, understanding, trust and of course compromise. For the relationship to work, you need to trust that your partner cares enough about you to acknowledge your point of view, wants and needs. Rather than communicating their needs and expectations, many people bottle up or assume that their partner knows what they want. Communicating openly, honestly and without blame allows you and your partner to manage expectations, express your feelings, get your issues out and to develop a deeper bond built on trust, respect, and understanding.
BWR: What is your biggest accomplishment? What are you most proud of?
Katia: Whilst seeing Love Destination launch, securing global distribution deals with Hisense and Vizio and winning the Startcon Asia Pacific Regional Final have felt like a massive achievement. My biggest and most challenging accomplishment is raising Aiden and Angelique and watching them grow into amazing humans despite the obstacles that we’ve faced as a family. Living in New York, on the other side of the world from their friends and family hasn’t been easy. But they’ve learned to embrace it and learned so much in the process.
BWR: Do you follow your own relationship advice?
Katia: I’d like to say yes. But the truth is as human beings we’re not always rational, and I’m no exception. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in love and relationships. There have been many times that I’ve ignored my intuition or let fear dictate my decisions. It’s easy to beat ourselves up for the choices we’ve made. But these are just part of our journey and help shape who we become.
BWR: Have you faced any challenges as a women entrepreneur?
Katia: As a single mom with two young kids, there were many times when I didn’t know how I was going to keep going. At times the guilt and fear of failure was overwhelming. There was never enough time in the day. I often felt like a failure in business and as a mom. I had to get comfortable with the fear of failure and uncertainty. Raising capital and finding the right team has been our biggest challenge. But you have to keep putting yourself out there, time and time again. We’re lucky to have now attracted an amazing team who share our vision and passion. Together we’re ready to spread the love!
BWR: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What is your main goal?
Katia: None of us know what lies ahead. So, I believe in doing what I love, surrounded by those who are most important to me. For me, it all comes down to love. We have our sights and hearts firmly set on spreading love and kindness worldwide.
For more information about Katia and her love advice, make sure to follow her on Instagram @katialoisel